When the Words Are Right but the Heart Is Wrong

When the Words Are Right but the Heart Is Wrong
 
 
 
Scripture Focus
 
Ephesians 4:29, NASB 1995
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
 
 
 
Sermon Reflection
 
This week we wrestled with something uncomfortable, yet necessary: truth without tone can become destructive. We began the year in Galatians 5:16, walking by the Spirit in our time, treasure, and talent. Now we are in the category of speech. And what we discovered is this: walking by the Spirit must show up in how we talk. Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 4:29 that speech is never neutral. Every word is either building up or tearing down. The goal of our speech is not simply accuracy. It is edification. It is grace. It is meeting the need of the moment.
 
We saw this modeled perfectly in John 4 when Jesus encountered the Samaritan woman. He confronted her sin, but He did not shame her. He exposed truth, but He did not weaponize it. His words were precise, timely, and wrapped in compassion. Because His tone reflected the heart of the Father, her heart opened instead of closing. Then we moved to 1 Peter 4:7–11 and learned that Spirit-governed speech is sober, prayerful, and shaped by eternity. The mature believer does not just ask, “Is it true?” The mature believer asks, “Is it submitted?” Our problem is not that we do not know Scripture. Our problem is that we sometimes speak Scripture without surrender. We say the right words in the wrong spirit. Like a song sung out of key, it is the right content, but it sounds wrong. Truth without tone can turn living water into a weapon.
 
The Spirit does not just give us words. He governs how they are delivered. And when our heart is full of grace, grace will be heard.
 
 
 
How I Should Respond
 
This message is deeply personal.
 
Before I speak, I must pause and examine my heart. Am I trying to win the moment, or win my brother? Am I speaking to release frustration, or to produce redemption?
 
I must allow the Holy Spirit to search me. If bitterness fills my heart, bitterness will leak out. If pride fills my heart, pride will defend itself. But if grace fills my heart, grace will be heard.
 
I must:
 
• Pray before I speak
• Check my motive before I confront
• Consider the timing before I correct
• Remember the grace I have received before extending truth
 
My speech should reflect the grace that saved me.
 
If Jesus moved toward me in tenderness while I was still in sin, then I must move toward others the same way. And if I do not yet know Christ, then the greatest use of my speech is to confess and believe in Him. Spirit-governed speech begins with a surrendered heart.
 
 
 
Weekly Prayer
 
Father,
Search my heart and guard my tongue. Forgive me for the times I have used truth without tenderness. Renew my mind so that my words are shaped by Your Spirit. Teach me to speak according to the need of the moment. Let my tone reflect Your heart. Let my speech build up, restore, and unify. And if there is pride, bitterness, or insecurity within me, uproot it and replace it with grace. May every word I speak glorify Christ.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
 
 
 
5–Day Application Plan
 
Day 1 – Examine the Source
 
Read Matthew 12:34.
Ask: What has been filling my heart lately? Stress? Frustration? Pride?
Journal what has been coming out of your mouth this week and trace it back to the heart.
 
 
 
Day 2 – Study the Model
 
Read John 4:1–26.
Observe how Jesus confronts the Samaritan woman.
Notice His patience, His questions, His timing.
Ask: How can I model this kind of tone in my difficult conversations?
 
 
 
Day 3 – Practice the Pause
 
Read James 1:19.
Today, intentionally slow down before responding in conversations, especially if emotions rise.
Pray silently before you answer. Let prayer govern your response.
 
 
 
Day 4 – Align With Eternity
 
Read 1 Peter 4:7–11.
Before speaking in any important conversation, ask:
Will I be comfortable giving an account of these words before Christ?
 
Let eternity shape today’s tone.
 
 
 
Day 5 – Speak to Build
 
Read Ephesians 4:29 again.
Make it your goal today to intentionally build someone up.
Send a text of encouragement. Offer a word of grace. Speak life in a hallway, meeting, or at home.
 
Be intentional about planting grace.
 
 
 
Final Thought
 
Saints, your words are seeds.
 
Every conversation plants something.
Bitterness or grace.
Division or unity.
Pride or humility.
 
Walking by the Spirit does not only change what we do. It changes how we speak. And when truth is submitted to the Spirit, it builds, restores, and glorifies Christ.
 
So choose Spirit-led speech.
 
Because when grace fills the heart, grace will be heard.